REPLAY - Communicating With Finesse - MAC059
I hope you’re finding a little space to breathe as we head into the final stretch of the year. This is the season when everything seems to converge at once—deadlines, holidays, planning for next year, and of course, the annual review cycle. And because I’m taking a few weeks off, I’m replaying some of my favorite past episodes that still feel incredibly relevant, especially right now. Today’s episode is one of those.
Before we jump into it, I want to set the stage for why this particular topic—speaking with finesse—matters so much at this time of year. If you’re like most professionals, you’re probably preparing to give your manager input for your performance review. Maybe you’re writing your self‑assessment, maybe you’re gathering accomplishments, maybe you’re thinking about how to position the work you’ve done so it reflects the impact you actually had.
And here’s the thing: the way you talk about your work is just as important as the work itself.
Not because you need to “spin” anything. Not because you need to inflate your contributions. But because your manager can only advocate for what they understand—and they can only understand what you communicate clearly, confidently, and with the right framing.
That’s where finesse comes in.
Finesse is one of those skills that separates people who do good work from people who are recognized for doing good work. It’s the difference between saying, “I completed the project,” and saying, “I delivered a cross‑functional project that removed a major bottleneck and positioned the team for faster execution next quarter.” Both statements are true. One is simply more complete, more contextual, and more reflective of the real value you created.
This is especially important during annual review season because your manager is juggling a lot—multiple team members, multiple projects, multiple priorities. They’re trying to remember what happened in February, what happened in June, what happened last week. They’re trying to write reviews that are fair, accurate, and aligned with organizational expectations. And they’re doing all of that while also preparing for their own review.
So when you give them input that is factual, contextual, and uplifting—not self‑promotional, but accurately framed—you’re not just helping yourself. You’re helping them do their job better.
And that’s exactly what finesse is about.
So as you listen today, I encourage you to think about your own annual review input.
Where could you add more context?
Where could you frame your contributions in a way that better reflects the real impact you had?
Where could you apply just a little more finesse?
Because the truth is, your work deserves to be seen.
And finesse is one of the most powerful tools you have to make sure it is.
Alright—let’s get into the replay; it’s a perfect companion for anyone preparing for year‑end conversations. Enjoy.
The other day, I saw a post on LinkedIn by Wes Kao the co-Founder of the Maven learning platform. Her post was a synopsis of an issue of her newsletter that really resonated with me (Link https://newsletter.weskao.com/p/the-unspoken-skill-of-finesse). It was on the topic of Finesse in Communications. You could also think of it as communicating like a leader.
In Wes' article, there was a situation where a customer had asked about the limits of a software system. Several people were in a chat thread formulating a response. The first person offered a factual number based on the highest limit observed in the system. The second person clarified the limit with a lower number that had shown acceptable performance plus a plan to increase the performance for a higher limit. The third person took the response from the second person and reframed it to have less of a negative connotation but still convey the same results.
Finesse is the ability to refine your message based on understanding the situation and the desired outcomes it is the ability to use good judgement in delicate situations. None of the responses were wrong per se, but the first answer could have led to disappointment by the customer if they approached the technical limit and experienced the performance degradations. The second answer provided additional context around the limits but may have caused the customer to look elsewhere for a solution that didn't have those limits. The final answer with a more positive message invited the customer to be optimistic about the solution being able to scale to meet their needs.
For some, the ability to have finesse in their communications may come naturally. But for others, like any skill, you can improve your abilities with focus and practice. The more you practice, the easier it will be to know when to apply finesse and the more likely it will come to you without consciously thinking about it.
First, you need to recognize when situations require finesse to handle. As you start practicing, look for situations where the outcome is not well defined or where there are people involved that you don't regularly interact with. That isn't to say that other situations would not benefit from nuance and finesse, but when you are learning the skill, the situations with the most uncertainty will be the ones most obvious to you that using finesse will be appropriate to lead to a positive result.
Once you have identified a situation to practice your skills, think about your desired outcome and what aspects have the least clarity. When you discuss them with others, pay attention to how the other people react to what you say and how you say it. You aren't just looking for surface level reactions such as responding verbally -- whether in agreement or to counter your points. Look at those micro-reactions such as that fleeting expression when your point hits home before they recompose and make their point. These types of responses can give you clues as to how your approach has been received such as whether it is too direct or needs more context or whether it's too aggressive or too passive. As the interaction proceeds, make adjustments and pay attention to how that changes how your arguments are received.
Finesse is not just about what you say and how you say it, but it's also about what you DON'T say. In Episode 56 - Presenting to Leaders, I talked about how my background in an analytical field lends itself to providing every detail because they all matter when solving technical problems, but when presenting to an executive, I had to focus on stripping my message down to only the most relevant bits. This is another part of exhibiting finesse in your communications. Understanding when to include and when to exclude information to direct the situation towards the outcome you are pushing for. This doesn't mean to lie through omission -- that leads to losing trust. But understanding which details are important to your audience and which details are noise is part of framing your message clarity.
Because finesse is in large part driven by the PEOPLE, there are no hard and fast rules about how to handle each situation. But what you CAN do is bring in someone who has a better handle on how to apply finesse such as Person Three from the example story. Have them observe your approach and provide feedback on how you can do better. You can also watch them when they are interacting with others and then have a review session afterwards where you can ask them about the different decisions they made about how to approach the conversation.
Go read Wes' full article on finesse which you can find linked in the show notes (https://newsletter.weskao.com/p/the-unspoken-skill-of-finesse). There are additional insights and strategies that can help you perfect your finesse skills. Improving your communication skills will help you advance your career no matter what level you are at and finesse is an important aspect of that.
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