Coaching Up or Coaching Out - MAC113
Every leader has hit this crossroads at some point: a member of your team isn’t hitting the mark. You’ve coached, you’ve encouraged, you’ve given feedback—maybe even tried a few creative workarounds—and yet, nothing seems to stick. So now comes the tough question: do you double down and keep investing in their growth, or do you make the hard—but necessary—decision to help them move on? Today, we’re diving into one of the most uncomfortable yet crucial responsibilities in leadership: knowing when to coach up and when to coach out. And if you’re not a manager, don’t tune out just yet—understanding this process can give you a huge edge in your own career, helping you grow faster and avoid unexpected setbacks.
No one likes having the hard conversations, but as a leader, they are inevitable. When a team member isn’t reaching their potential, it’s your responsibility to coach them up. You’ve seen what they’re capable of—you know their strengths and possibilities—but it often takes patience, creativity, and persistence to help them break through self-doubt, inexperience, or gaps in skill. This kind of investment can transform a good employee into a great one. But sometimes, despite your best efforts, coaching up isn’t the right answer. That doesn’t mean the person is a failure; it simply means there’s a mismatch—between the role, the team’s needs, or even the culture—and the best outcome might be helping them find a position better aligned with their goals and abilities. Neither conversation is easy, yet the mark of strong leadership is facing them head-on rather than avoiding the discomfort.
If you’re a leader, your role is part coach, part mirror, and part compass. The mirror reflects reality—you show people where they’re excelling and where they’re struggling. The coach develops skills, offering feedback, resources, and encouragement. And the compass? It points the way forward, setting expectations and guiding direction. When it comes to coaching up, the first step is honesty. Don’t sugarcoat feedback—people can’t improve what they can’t see. But honesty alone isn’t enough. Without empathy, it feels like criticism. Pair your feedback with belief—belief that improvement is possible. Say things like, “I know this is a stretch, but I’ve seen you handle bigger challenges before,” or, “You’ve got strong instincts here—let’s work on building consistency.”
Next, define what success looks like. Be explicit about timelines, metrics, and outcomes. Vague coaching produces vague results, and no one wins there. And finally, remove roadblocks. Sometimes, performance issues aren’t about motivation—they’re about missing tools, unclear priorities, or overwhelming workloads. A great coach doesn’t just demand results—they create the conditions for success.
Now, let’s tackle the harder side: coaching out. It’s never fun. But keeping someone in a role where they’re not thriving isn’t compassion—it’s avoidance. The truth is, the longer you delay an honest conversation, the more harm it causes. The employee loses confidence, the team loses morale, and your credibility as a leader takes a hit.
Coaching out doesn’t have to be a blunt “you’re fired” moment. It can sound like this: “We’ve tried several paths to help you succeed in this role, and I know how hard you’ve worked. But I also see that you might be better suited for something different—maybe in another department, or even outside this company.” It’s never about blame. It’s about fit.
Some employees leave these conversations relieved; others may be surprised or frustrated. Either way, your responsibility is to preserve their dignity and provide support where possible—referrals, networking introductions, resume guidance. When you handle coaching out with integrity, you don’t just protect the company’s reputation—you enhance your own, building a reputation as a fair, trustworthy, and empathetic leader.
So how do you decide when to coach up and when to coach out? Think of it as a combination of potential, performance, and fit. Coach up when the employee shows capability, willingness to learn, and motivation—but just needs guidance, skills, or confidence to reach their potential. Provide clear feedback, set expectations, and remove obstacles so they can grow. Coach out when there’s a persistent mismatch between the role and the person—when skills, mindset, or alignment with team culture aren’t clicking despite your best efforts. Delaying the decision only prolongs frustration for everyone involved. By approaching these choices thoughtfully, you ensure your team stays productive, motivated, and engaged, and you reinforce your credibility as a leader who balances compassion with accountability.
Now let’s shift perspectives. If you’re an employee, here’s a career accelerator you don’t want to ignore: being coachable. That means listening with an open mind, resisting defensiveness, and treating feedback—even the tough kind—as an opportunity to grow. When you hear feedback, try asking questions like, “Can you give me an example of what that looks like?” or “What would great performance in this area look like to you?” Those questions signal maturity and a growth mindset.
Being coachable doesn’t mean being a pushover. It means committing to learning, even when the feedback stings. Remember: your manager’s job isn’t to make you comfortable; it’s to help you grow. And growth is often uncomfortable. So the next time your boss says, “We need to talk,” don’t assume the worst—it might be the best career opportunity you’ll get all year.
And sometimes… the conversation takes a different turn. Maybe your leader sits you down and says, “This role just isn’t the right fit for you.” That moment can feel crushing—but it doesn’t have to define you. Here’s what’s really happening: your leader is acknowledging that your strengths and the company’s needs aren’t fully aligned. That’s not failure—it’s information. What you do next determines whether this moment becomes a setback or a setup for something better.
Ask thoughtful questions: “Can you share what factors led to this decision?” “What do you think I do best?” “Do you have suggestions for where my skills might be a better fit?” Those conversations often open doors to new insights, referrals, or even internal transfers. Remember, being coached out isn’t the end of your story—it’s just a plot twist in the middle. And sometimes, it’s exactly the push you need to find the opportunity that fits who you’re becoming, not who you’ve been.
Whether you’re coaching or being coached, the magic happens when honesty meets empathy and strategy. Honesty brings clarity. Empathy keeps humanity at the center. Strategy ensures that decisions move both the team and the individual forward. When one of these elements is missing, everything starts to unravel. Honesty without empathy feels cold. Empathy without strategy feels directionless. Strategy without honesty feels manipulative. But when you bring all three together—that’s when real growth happens… for everyone involved.
Whether it’s coaching up or coaching out, these conversations are some of the toughest dynamics in the workplace. But how you handle them can be the most defining factor in your career—or in the success of your team. Handled poorly, they breed resentment, fear, or self-doubt. Handled well, they build trust, clarity, and growth—for everyone involved. Leaders, don’t shy away from these conversations; they shape the future of your team. Employees, don’t fear them; they shape the future of your career. Growth happens when both sides engage openly, honestly, and with intention.
If today’s episode helped you think differently about coaching—whether you’re giving it or receiving it—share it with someone who needs to hear it. Maybe a manager struggling with feedback, or a colleague navigating a tough performance review. And if you haven’t already, head to https://managingacareer.com/follow so you can subscribe to Managing A Career wherever you listen to podcasts. Your growth is your responsibility—and this show is here to make that journey easier, one episode at a time.
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